


How Bizarre

by Finn565



Series: In an Endless Universe I Will Always Find You [5]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Bickering, M/M, Mention of Professor Membrane - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Old Married Couple, Tall Zim (Invader Zim), Taller dib though, bug irkens, but just of some nameless people, no one important - Freeform, this is tender in a way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29104866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finn565/pseuds/Finn565
Summary: Clyde hadn’t asked in the moment how The Captain had known how to remove the Pak device anyway. Just happy to escape with his life, and from that day on he heeded the warning even more than he had in the beginning.So when Neil tells him, “He’s married to a fucking Irken.” He fucking laughs. He laughs so hard he almost cries.“Dude theres no fucking way,” He tries to catch his breath, “I’ve seen the Captain kill an Irken before. That’s just not possible, you remember how serious he was on day one about them.”“I’m not joking, Clyde. He just let one on board and was joking with it. And it’s tall. Taller than any of the ones I’ve seen besides the tallest. It must be older than the soldiers we’ve seen.”“He let one on board? Now you're just straight up lying.”“No, I’m not-”Clyde looks up as the other members of the ship all turn to the entrance way to the cafeteria. Walking through it is The Captain, arm draped around an Irken Invader, chatting as if nothing is strange about the interaction at all. His jaw drops at the sight.“Told you.” Neil grins.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), ZaDr - Relationship
Series: In an Endless Universe I Will Always Find You [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129628
Comments: 10
Kudos: 98





	How Bizarre

Clyde remembers his first day aboard Eternity. It was a lesson, with a test. Anyone who failed would be reassigned and replaced. He had walked into the class with his college mate Neil and was only slightly surprised when The Captain was the one giving the lesson. 

He’d never seen the man in person but the rumors were right, he looked like his father, with slight differences. Standing at 6’2 with metal piercings at the bottoms and tops of his ears. A dark dusting of scruff running his jaw line and a pair of round glasses on. His one metal arm glowing a soft blue color where the cords are exposed. 

“Welcome, my name is Dib Membrane and I suggest you take notes on our lesson. Seeing as you will be tested in 3 days time on your knowledge.” 

The captain turns on a projector and he pulls out a tablet for note taking. He can’t help but snicker as Neil takes out a piece of paper and a pencil, “That’s all you brought?”

“I didn’t know I had to take notes!” Neil searches for more paper but comes up with nothing. 

“Listen up, we will be starting with the most dangerous aliens and ending on the most harmless. In the hopes that you will retain the dangerous ones over the harmless.” The captain pulls up an image of a bug-like creature with green skin and antenna. “This is an Irken Invader. A highly intelligent creature with no remorse. They are very durable and dexterous.” The captain turns back to the room of people and presses two metal fingers to the projection of the alien, “Should you ever encounter an Irken on a planet you would do well to run. Don’t be fooled by some of their smaller stature, they will not hesitate to eliminate all things they deem as hostile.”

Clyde feels all the excitement that was buzzing in the room fade swiftly. The creature on the screen isn’t new to any of them. Known as the Irken Empire, they are notorious for taking over planets and conforming them. 

“Lucky for us, Irke’s are mostly hated by every other living creature in the universe. Should you find yourself pursued by an Irken, you should find the nearest public space and hope that the inhabitants will side with you.” The captain spins the diagram around and points at the picture, “I have scrapped with Irken’s several times before and, on some occasions, barely left with my life. Should you find yourself in immediate danger with no escape, try to damage the Pak device on their back. This should provide you with enough of a distraction to flee.”

The Captain turns to the screen and swipes his metal fingers over the image, shifting it to another bug-creature, “These are less intelligent but very strong. Seeing as they took my arm, my best advice is to not engage. Good news is they are not outwardly aggressive till provoked.”

Clyde had taken rigorous notes of the whole lesson and passed the test with no difficulty. But that first section always stuck with him. Irkens were dangerous. Just one was enough to kill at least ten humans if it was pissed off. Which they always seemed to be. He had met very few in his time in space. One to be exact. They had been planet side when a smaller one had started spewing Irken at them. To his surprise The Captain responded back in the same language. 

This had seemed to surprise the Irken as well, as it had gotten to its very little hackles, barely coming up to the captain's waist and hissed at him. Membrane must have said something significant because the Irken had widened its eyes and stepped down. 

“We must leave the planet side immediately, our position is compromised. Don’t look back at her, and keep moving quickly.” The Captain ordered and left promptly. It hadn’t been long after that the Irken had pursued them, seeming to change its mind about whatever Membrane had told them. The one Irken had taken out half their team. With the Captain firing at it the entire time. 

It wasn’t until The Captain had gotten his metal hand around its neck and slammed it down into the ground before removing the small device from its back. Membrane seemed upset slightly as he removed it, obscured by his own hand from the other members of the team. It seemed he didn’t want them to know how to do this themselves. He tossed it to the side and whispered something that sounded regretful to the Irken in it’s own tongue. And as the thing lay there limp it spat something in Irken back at them.

“Let’s go.” The Captain had ushered them along. 

“What did you do to it, sir?” He had asked. 

“I killed it, in the only way I know how.”

“Shit really?”

“I didn’t want to have to, but she killed several of our team members and would probably try and kill more.”

Clyde hadn’t asked in the moment how The Captain had known how to remove the device anyways. Just happy to escape with his life, and from that day on he heeded the warning even more than he had in the beginning. 

So when Neil tells him, “He’s married to a fucking Irken.” He fucking laughs. He laughs so hard he almost cries.

“Dude theres no fucking way,” He tries to catch his breath, “I’ve seen the Captain kill an Irken before. That’s just not possible, you remember how serious he was on day one about them.”

“I’m not joking, Clyde. He just let one on board and was joking with it. And it’s tall. Taller than any of the ones I’ve seen besides the tallest. It must be older than the soldiers we’ve seen.”

“He let one on board? Now you're just straight up lying.”

“No, I’m not-”

Clyde looks up as the other members of the ship all turn to the entrance way to the cafeteria. Walking through it is The Captain, arm draped around an Irken Invader, chatting as if nothing is strange about the interaction at all. His jaw drops at the sight.

“Told you.” Neil grins. 

The Irken is tall, with a slim waist, looking more aggressive in its posture than the small thing he saw on the planet side. They truly do look more intimidating the older they get. “Holy shit.”

The Captain is speaking, what seems to be, perfect Irken with the alien. Gesturing to several of the food options and then pressing a kiss to the creatures cheek before walking towards their mostly empty table and sitting down. 

“Good afternoon, is it alright if we sit here?”

Clyde still hasn’t picked his jaw up off the table, watching the bug assess its food options. 

“Sure,” Neil answers for them, still sounding just as nervous as he feels.

The Captain sits down with a small smile, seconds later they are joined by the Irken who seems to have exclusively sugar products on a tray. The alien makes a series of clicking and hissing noises and sneers at the captain.

Membrane rolls his eyes and responds in Irken back.

“Sir,” Clyde clears his throat, “Not to be rude, but you told us all Irkens were killing machines. Not to be trusted. We are a bit confused about this.”

“I can understand English, Pathetic Creature, and you are right to be afraid.” The Irken’s sneer turns to them and he feels his heart rate spike in fear.

“Zim, I would appreciate it if you didn’t scare my crew. I know you like the power trip it gives you but please refrain.”

“It is too easy,” The Irken-Zim- starts to eat its confections. 

“It’s true, most Irkens are jerks,” The Captain jabs the alien sitting with them with his elbow and earns a hiss in return, “But Zim is all bark and no bite.”

“I’m confused, Neil said you two were,” He trails off, eyes darting between the two.

“We are, rumors seem to travel fast, huh?” The Captain gives Neil a smile and a raised eyebrow.

“I didn’t mean to start rumors, Sir. I just-”

Neil is cut off by Membrane putting a hand up, the one with the black metal ring on it, “It's fine. I know it's kind of strange, seeing as I warned you all about Irkens in the first place.”

“A smart decision, you would all do well to be wary of Zim.”

“I didn’t warn them about you, bug-boy.” Membrane gives the Irken a small glare, “Just a general warning.”

“Stupid worm,” Zim hisses at the human and snaps its jaws at him. 

Neil and Clyde exchange a look when the action just makes The Captain smile and roll his eyes.

“Sir,” Clyde clears his throat again, “I’m still confused. You're married to this Irken?”

Membrane smiles and looks at Zim briefly before nodding, “He’s putting on a show. He gets pretty tender when we are alone. He is actually the one who proposed to me-”

The Irken smacks The Captains arm and growls, “You are ruining the image I have created here, can you not keep your mouth closed for one moment!”

“They asked me a question, freak!” Membrane rolls his eyes again, and Clyde notes that the two behave like an old married couple from back home.

“How long have you two been together?”

The Captain turns his attention back to them as Neil asks his question. “Long time now I guess. Let’s see. I was 25 when we first got involved. 43 now, so around 20 years rounded up. We have known each other for a lot longer. Zim was actually sent to take over Earth but he sucks ass.”

“You are the one who sucks ass, Dib-beast.” The irken growls at him and Membrane smiles again, as if the banter is normal for them.

“If I suck ass you are king of suck ass mountain.” The Captain grins when the response gets him a growl and pair of sharp teeth in front of his face. Clyde flinches at the aggressive display. 

“I have had enough of your berating, the Dib- thing is also putting on airs for his peers. You are much more weak for Zim when we are alone together. Less mouthy.”

The Captain actually blushes at that and frowns, “Fun sucker. Get your shit and let’s go, then.” 

“Gladly,” The Irken scoops up the sweets and stands.

“You two have a good rest of your dinner, sorry to have bothered you.” Membrane nods to them and then turns to leave with Zim. Clyde doesn’t miss the way The Captain places a hand just below the aliens Pak device and just gently rests a thumb against it. Or the way the Irken seems to relax into the touch. The way Membrane had removed the device on the other Irken suddenly clicks in his head. 

“That was bizarre.” Neil starts to eat next to him, “Seeing as The Captain is like super against Irken’s. Now he’s married to one and they act like everything is cool. I was so sure Irkens couldn’t be emotional either. Don’t you remember reading that?” 

Clyde nods, “Yeah, I do remember reading that…”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I stole that title from that one song on Tik Tok. Yes, I stole that line from Barry. No, I don't care.
> 
> Hope you liked this! Think I've only got one more of these planned out so far. Not sure, could end up being more!


End file.
